THE STORY OF ALL THE CAKE IN THE WORLD:
For the last 6 years every July 13th you would find me at a cafe or bakery. Without fail, I would order two slices of cake and two coffees and proceed to eat both slices of cake and drink both cups of coffee. Sometimes, if they let me, I will light a candle. And always, I will be crying.
* Making cupcakes with the nieces and nephews.
To understand why I do this every year on July 13th, we have to go back to July 16th, 2012. Sophia had just turned 29, 3 days earlier. To a hospice in Heidelberg, Melbourne. A place I still drive to…and from a park, I will gaze towards a window that used to have a large paper butterfly I made taped to the window. Making part of what I called “the wall of memories.” It’s not there anymore.
***
The room went quiet. The door behind me swung close. I was gazing out the window into a park. For winter, it was bright and sunny. It was a rare moment of just Sophia and me. The nurse had just left. Everyone wanted a bit of Sophia’s time. Now that they knew she had a limited amount of it left. Scrambling to say the last good bye.
I took a deep breath and sighed. Breathe in for 3 seconds. Breathe out for 3 seconds. Do it 10 times. Count them on your fingers. Was what my psychiatrist said for me to do should I feel anxious. I could hear his voice. I wanted to tell Sophia I was scared.
But instead I asked, “Are you scared Sophia?” What a foolish question! We don’t need to talk about being scared!
“You’ll eat two slices of cake for me won’t you, Koky?” She asked. Then in a whisper I could barely hear, “…one for me.”
“What?”
“I’m scared that everyone will forget me—when I’m gone—that’s what I’m scared of”.
“We will never forget you! How could we…never!” I was holding her hand now, shaking my head.
“When you go your way, and I go mine, eat two slices of cake for me. On my birthday, ok?” This time her voice was trembling. Her hand shaking.
“Sophia, I’ll eat more...for the rest of my life—and I’ll make everyone eat one for you too—I swear!”
***
And so when it came time to open up our shop at Melbourne Central, I deliberately timed our official opening to be July 13th. Just so that I can make sure to have as many people as possible eat cake with me. To remember my sister, who was scared that we would forget her.
My darling Sophia, as it turns out, remembering you, is a piece of cake.
***
Thank you for taking the time to read this story. I would like to turn a day that reminds me of loss…into a day to celebrate again. I have bought the cake. All you have to do, is come and eat some with me. Details here.
And to Sophia, more than the sun, moon and stars you have managed to light my darkest days. How can I ever forget you. No amount of anything will be enough to thank you. Where-ever you may be, know that your big brother will always stand, by your side.
Even if he has to eat all the cake in the world.
***If you liked reading this story, it would mean the world to me if you let me know how it made you feel by commenting here. And share with your friends if you think they will like it. It will also motivate me to keep on writing and sharing little snippets of our story. Much much love from me. Koky.***
She is with you and she is not forgotten! Keep going with your wonderful work Koky!